When They Called It “Flapping Around”… What They Didn’t Know About My Worship

Last year, at my first Dance to Deliver Conference with D.E.W Ministries, I danced in worship in the furthest corner of a room full of dancers unaware that I was being recorded. Recently, I was led to share the video and I posted the short minute clip online. To me it was a simple moment of movement, vulnerability and surrender. The kind of moment that doesn’t come from choreography or performance, but from a place where words aren’t enough.

What I didn’t expect was this comment from a stranger underneath the video on YouTube:

“People think this is worship.

But it's nothing more than just flopping around.

True worship is denying yourself.”

I stared at it for a moment, not offended… but stunned. Because if only he knew.

I responded gently, pleading for grace instead of judgement. I told him that he sounded like the Pharisees who judged the woman with the alabaster box. The woman who poured her offering at Jesus’ feet from a place of raw vulnerability, while everyone else stood at a safe, self-righteous distance. They saw oil spilled. Jesus saw the sacrifice, a heart poured out.

That day, I realized something. People can watch your worship and still have no idea what it cost you.

What No One Knew About That Season

The video was only a minute long, but the story behind it was heavy. That year, I was adjusting to becoming a mother figure to my Goddaughter. I was pouring everything I had into love, guidance, structure, and protection, but the transition was emotionally and spiritually exhausting.

On top of that, my hair was falling out due to stress and anxiety, my body felt weak, my thoughts were scattered and I felt like I was holding up a world that wasn’t built for my hands.

But I kept worshipping. I danced right through it. Not because everything was okay, but because it wasn’t. When I stepped into that dance, I wasn’t “performing.” I was struggling to breathe, fighting confusion, battling intrusive thoughts. And the only language I had left was worship.

People often assume worship must be quiet, soft and orderly. But sometimes worship is shaking hands, trembling knees and tears streaming down your face. Sometimes it’s lifting your arms or movement that looks like “flapping around” to someone who’s never had to fight for their own mind. Worship isn’t about appearance. Worship is about surrender.

And surrender rarely looks polished. The woman with the alabaster box didn’t bring a performance. She brought her pain, her history, her tears and her inheritance. The onlookers could only see the mess, the "waste".

And Jesus called it beautiful. This proves that people will not always understand. They will see the dance, but not the spiritual battle. They will see the movement, but not the moment right before when you almost lost yourself.

But God sees it. And He honors it. Because real worship is sacrifice. But sacrifice isn’t always what people think it is. It can get messy. Remember the altar in biblical times was always bloody.

Sometimes sacrifice is:

• Lifting your hands while your heart is breaking

• Praising while you’re overwhelmed

• Dancing while fighting anxiety

• Showing up when you feel empty

• Choosing Jesus when everything feels confusing

That is worship, offering, obedience and spiritual warfare. And that is what was happening in that video. When I finished dancing, I didn’t leave the same way I came.

The pressure loosened, and peace settled in my chest like a warm weight. It has never left me.

So, people can call it “flapping around” if they want to. But I know what happened in the spirit. I know what God lifted off of me. I know what was healed, shifted, and released. It wasn’t just “movement.” It was deliverance.

A word of encouragement to anyone whose worship has been judged: keep worshipping!

People will always misunderstand what they’ve never had to live through. Criticism is loud, but let your freedom ring is louder. According to Luke 4:18 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free". Claim this for yourself!

Your very proclamation of freedom, your dance, your shout has the power to free another person. Your worship doesn’t have to make sense to everyone as long as it reaches Him.

And if you accepted Jesus, repented, turned from your sin, and continue to live for Him, it will. Every time.