Episode 2: Learning God's Purpose for Marriage
The Singleness Series
Welcome to Episode 2 of the Singleness Series!
After spending time learning who God is and beginning to understand our own Kingdom assignment, we have to ask another question: If singleness can be so fruitful, why does God call some people to marriage?
Be so for real.
If we've spent all this time learning ourselves, mastering ourselves, building our relationship with Christ, serving, growing, and becoming fruitful, then why not just stay single? Why even bother with marriage?
Well, Genesis 2:18 gives us part of the answer:
“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” - Genesis 2:18
I spent some time personally contemplating this verse. I looked at a few different translations, wondering why the Bible says “the man” rather than simply “man,” as in mankind or human beings. Does that mean women can be alone and men cannot?
That question led me into an in-depth Bible study about the Hebrew language and the meaning behind certain translations. In the creation account, Adam is introduced before Eve, and the woman is created in response to God's declaration that it is not good for the man to be alone.
I also began looking more closely at the word helper, translated from the Hebrew word ezer. I discovered that this word does not imply inferiority or insignificance. In Scripture, it is even used to describe God as the help of His people.
That brought me great joy and even more questions. Yes, God created marriage intentionally.
I learned that marriage isn't a consolation prize for people who successfully survived singleness. It is another Kingdom assignment and a way that God's purposes can be advanced so I stopped treating marriage like the finish line of my life.
With that realization though, I wondered, why aren't we simply born paired up? Wouldn't that eliminate the possibility of making mistakes or marrying the wrong person?
The truth is, I don't have a complete answer for why God designed marriage the way He did. But I do know that Scripture describes marriage as two becoming one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Ecclesiastes also tells us that two are better than one because they can help one another and benefit from their shared labor (Ecclesiastes 4:9–12).
Becoming one with another person requires a different kind of responsibility than simply being responsible for yourself does. Ask any parent, and they can tell you that living for yourself and being responsible for another person are two very different things. Similarly, marriage requires selflessness, sacrifice, and a willingness to consider someone beyond yourself.
There is a reason Jesus said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6).
Marriage is a covenant. And don't get me started on the spiritual significance of covenant. We'll be here until next month!
But because marriage is a covenant, I don't believe we should rush into it simply because we're tired of being single or experiencing loneliness. Marriage deserves more than a desire to escape singleness. It calls for discernment, intentionality, and a willingness to honor God in the commitment we make.
Understanding the Timeline of Singleness
Instead of thinking, I have to survive this until somebody comes along, you begin asking a different question: What am I supposed to produce here?
Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us that there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. There are fruits that can be produced in singleness that may look different when you become responsible for a household and family.
Paul even encouraged believers to consider the advantages of remaining unmarried, explaining that an unmarried person may be able to give more undivided attention to the things of the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:32–35).
There are ministries you may be able to give yourself to more freely in the season of singleness. Youth ministry, for example, may be an opportunity to pour into the next generation while you have the capacity to serve in ways that could become more complicated as your responsibilities change. And if there are no youth ministries or community service opportunities centered on young people near you, there are plenty of other people you can serve.
This is also a good time to learn new things. To develop your gifts. To build. To create. To explore the things God has placed on your heart. There may be assignments God is calling you to step into now because the people those assignments are meant to bless need you now.
I want you to have peace in knowing that marriage doesn't mean your calling disappears. But understand that your responsibilities will change. And even now, trust that God is using you, preparing you, and forming a relationship between you and Him that can continue to grow in your next season.
What a beautiful revelation for my single Faithful People to have: your calling does not require a spouse.
Your Kingdom Assignment Does Not Begin With Marriage
This is one of the biggest things I want us to understand throughout this series: You cannot tie yourself to someone else's Kingdom assignment simply because you haven't stepped into your own.
How many spouses are shrinking themselves to make room for the other, perhaps because they never had the opportunity to understand and develop their own Kingdom assignment? How many pastors' wives are sitting on books that need to be written? How many husbands of prophetesses are sleeping on that fire they have for building a school?
I don't believe your Kingdom assignment should automatically be compromised when you enter marriage. I believe we should approach marriage with an understanding that both people have gifts, responsibilities, and callings that matter beyond themselves.
We each have a function in the body of Christ, and that function benefits the entire Kingdom (1 Corinthians 12:12–27).
You need me.
I need you.
One body, many parts.
And neither of us gets to neglect our assignment because of “the one.”
Your future spouse will have their own calling as well. The goal isn't to find somebody who gives you a purpose, but to become so rooted in Christ that when God brings two people together, they can discern how their individual assignments might complement and strengthen one another.
Look at Aquila and Priscilla, for example. They served together, worked alongside Paul, and helped explain the way of God more accurately to Apollos. Their marriage did not prevent them from participating in ministry; we see them serving as a team (Acts 18:1–3, 18–26). Or even Prophetess Huldah and Shallum, each maintaining separate duties yet neither swallowed the other. (2 Kings 22:14)
What if we approached marriage with that kind of vision? Not as a place where one person's calling swallows the other's, but as a covenant in which two people can faithfully serve God, both individually and together.
What Are You Doing With What God Has Given You?
In Luke 19, Jesus tells a parable about a nobleman who entrusts money to his servants and instructs them to put it to work until he returns (Luke 19:11–27). The servants are entrusted with something, and their master's return reveals what they have done with it.
And my question for you today is, have you been investing the seeds God has planted in you, or are you storing them away, waiting for another season when your gifts and talents will be more useful?
Are you waiting until marriage to start that ministry? Waiting until you have a husband to start that business? Waiting until you have a family to begin serving? Waiting for someone else to validate what God has already placed in your hands?
While I know firsthand that there is wisdom in preparation, and nothing wrong with waiting for God's direction, don't confuse waiting on God with postponing your obedience because you believe your life will become more meaningful once someone joins you. Marriage should not be the beginning of your usefulness. You are already useful to God now.
And if marriage is part of God's plan for you, let it come at its appointed time. Don't make it the condition for your obedience, your joy, your growth, or your fruitfulness.
Meanwhile, produce. Be fruitful and multiply because you have been entrusted with a life, gifts, and opportunities that can glorify God right now!
Let Us Pray
Dear Father God,
I thank You for another moment with You. I recognize that my path may have strayed from what You have called me to do in this life, and I am sorry. Please realign my heart once again. Give me a desire to know You more deeply, and renew my mind wherever my understanding of You has been limited or misguided.
Be Lord of my life again in every area. Teach me to know You as my God, King, Guardian, Friend, and in every other way You desire to reveal Yourself to me. Please help me to understand your will for me when in this season and the ones to follow.
Help me to be faithful with what You have placed in my hands today. Teach me not to despise this season or postpone my obedience while waiting for another. Whether my path leads to marriage or continued singleness, may my life bear fruit that brings You glory.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
A practical next step: Learn What The Bible Says About Marriage
1. God's Design and Purpose for Marriage
Genesis 1:26–28 Humanity's creation in God's image and the blessing to be fruitful and multiply.
Genesis 2:18–25 The creation of woman, companionship, and the establishment of marriage.
Proverbs 18:22 Finding a wife and receiving favor from the Lord.
Ecclesiastes 4:9–12 The benefits of partnership, mutual support, and companionship.
Matthew 19:3–6 Jesus affirms God's design for marriage and the unity of husband and wife.
2. Marriage as a Covenant
Malachi 2:13–16 Marriage, covenant faithfulness, and the seriousness with which God regards the marriage relationship.
Matthew 19:6 What God has joined together, let no one separate.
Mark 10:6–9 Jesus teaches about the joining of husband and wife.
Ephesians 5:31–32 Marriage in relation to Christ and the Church.
3. The Responsibilities of Husbands and Wives
Ephesians 5:21–33 Mutual submission, sacrificial love, and the relationship between Christ and the Church.
Colossians 3:18–19 Instructions to wives and husbands.
1 Peter 3:1–7 Conduct, understanding, honor, and shared spiritual responsibility.
Proverbs 31:10–31 A portrait of a capable, industrious, and wise wife.
Titus 2:3–5 Older women teaching and encouraging younger women in godly living and family relationships.
4. Love, Unity, and Serving Together
1 Corinthians 13:4–7 The character of love: patient, kind, humble, and enduring.
Romans 12:9–18 Sincere love, honoring others, and pursuing peace.
Philippians 2:1–5 Humility and considering the interests of others.
Acts 18:1–26 Aquila and Priscilla's work, hospitality, and ministry.
Romans 16:3–5 Paul recognizes Aquila and Priscilla as his fellow workers in Christ.
5. Singleness, Marriage, and God's Calling
1 Corinthians 7:1–9 Paul's teaching about marriage, singleness, and self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:25–35 The considerations and opportunities associated with remaining unmarried.
Matthew 19:10–12 Jesus speaks about those who remain unmarried for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.
Isaiah 54:1–5 A prophetic passage about restoration and expansion; read in its original context rather than assuming it is a direct promise of marriage or children to every individual.
Luke 10:38–42 Mary and Martha's different responses to Jesus and the importance of attending to Him.
6. Wisdom and Preparation for Marriage
Proverbs 19:14 The distinction between an inherited home and a prudent spouse from the Lord.
Proverbs 20:18 The value of seeking counsel and making plans with guidance.
Proverbs 24:3–4 Building a household through wisdom, understanding, and knowledge.
Amos 3:3 A question about whether two can walk together unless they have agreed; consider its original prophetic context when applying it to relationships.
James 1:5 Asking God for wisdom when you need direction.
Your Bible Study Challenge
Which topic do you relate to the most? Choose three passages from this list that you have not studied in depth. Read each passage in context, write down what it teaches you about God, and not just marriage.
As you study, ask yourself:
What does this passage reveal about God's design or intention?
What responsibilities, attitudes, or character qualities does it describe?
How does this passage challenge assumptions I have about marriage?
How can I apply this wisdom to my life today, whether I marry or remain single?
⧫ Journal Entry 9 ⧫
It is currently 3:52 am on November 14th 2017. I’m in my dorm at Fairleigh Dickinson University where my roommate and her boyfriend are sleeping soundly. I, on the contrary, am alone and I won’t be getting much sleep. Instead I'll spend my night writing. I love writing and any other day I would have been content to fill a page with hand-written words. But today is different.
I'll try not to get too many tear blotches on the sheet as I write. Today I spoke to my mom on the phone and asked her, for the second time in my life, about dating. She always told me to wait until I was done with undergrad to “awaken love”. This time, her response was far from the disapproval she had the last time we spoke about it. Today she simply asked, "Why? What are you missing?" I found the question hard to answer because I know that I lack nothing.
Everything I could ever need, my God has provided and with that realization I’ve decided to stop pursuing marriage. There is much else to focus my attention on, like seeking God's heart. Meanwhile, every time a man finds his way into my thoughts I will bring him to my Father. I am a friend to God and man. That is all for now. And when the time comes, the Lord will certainly awaken us.
Psalm 73:26
"My mind and my body may grow weak, But God is my strength; he is all I ever need".
And While I repeat this verse as I read, I feed that piece of my brain
That reaches insane levels on my EEG
You know that "leave me be"
That never quiet part
And when you face a sin
That "let's deny it" part
I mean I know it's hard
But the farther we get from our God his rod
No longer nudges is
His sheep in sinking sand
The devil budges us
To fill our minds with lust
And we're so credulous
That just that weenie space
Makes us believe our place is here
This dark valley
And so we fear
That tech savvy
Means text Sally
And sex having
But all the apps we have on our phone
The double tapping
And retweeting
Army of God?
We're retreating
Cause there's a book
We've been leaving
Leaving unread.
But whats your reason?
You can't forget where you come from,
Get out the sand you've already won
The word of God gives us wisdom
Now you're free from broken systems
I am a sinner, can't deny that truth
But I'm still a winner, cause I read the truth
My faith alone can provide the proof
What could a I ever do to get this though to you
I'm not your parents, I'm just a friend
Children of God, you've got hands to lend
You'll never break but you will bend
I pray I'll serve him until the end
Comments